The most bananas thing that happened this year

aka my intro to the truly weird life of a comedian

Question from a lovely reader: What’s the funniest/what the f***/most unbelievable thing that has happened since you went viral

This is a timely question in the dregs of the year, when we reflect on all that was and all we hope to come.

Earlier this year, I woke up to a strange email at a difficult time. After going viral in January I was getting used to strange things in my inbox but this one was particularly odd. It said:

Hi - I saw your comedy clips on TikTok - if you’re free to perform at an event in Rome, let’s jump on a zoom to discuss.

Rome?! I’m barely known inside Australia, let alone across the equator. This was my first ever invitation to perform across borders. I elbowed Charlie awake and excitedly shared this information. He said:

Babe that’s human trafficking 101, please delete that immediately.

He went back to bed. I jumped on a zoom anyway. I like Lady immediately - she’s a straight shooter, an engaging storyteller and super organised. I can see why she’d be a strong asset in the trafficking world.

She speaks with much love of her partner Man, whose formal title is His Excellency and what they both do for work sounds super important. She would like me to roast them at a welcome dinner, for their four day wedding in Rome. Yowza.

After speaking with Lady, I’m pretty confident that if she’s a trafficker, she can’t be that good. For example, I plead with Charlie, her fee proposal specifies that I can keep my passport - top shelf traffickers definitely take those.

Lady puts me in touch with their good friends, to assure me that this is not a trafficking situation. Man’s good friend comes up on Whatsapp as “The Wolf”. I choose to ignore that this is an infamously predatory animal known to hunt in packs. The Wolf assures me that I won’t be trafficked and that I’ll be exceptionally safe. This is of course what a good trafficker would say.

He also assures me that The Wolf was his nickname in uni after the character in Pulp Fiction, because he’s good at solving problems. I remember the character - Winston Wolf - Harvey Keitel’s character from Pulp Fiction who specialises in cleaning up evidence for an organised crime cartel. Oh good, way better than the deadly animal I was first worried about.

The Wolf tells me that while he and Man come from different worlds, they’re forever bonded over terrible girlfriends, Star Wars, gin and arguments about race horses. Their friendship managed the shift from the wilder times of their youth to the gentle pace of life in the later years. Despite his demanding work, Man remains a big part of the lives of The Wolf and his family.

Lady is the best of the bunch, says The Wolf. They met at a Grand Prix and vodka was a strong bonding agent that day. She loves Man to death and makes sure he cares for himself, some guys aren’t good at that. She’s an accomplished young lady, up for anything. She’s fearless.

After an intriguing conversation with The Wolf, I contact Lady’s “muse” of honour, K. They met as roommates in San Francisco via Craigslist and became fast friends at their dining table over long chats, eating burritos and watching the Kardashians. She rates Man’s penchant for a jingle and reckons they’re a good match with equally competitive streaks.

All this sounds fairly normal to me. I couldn’t find a trace of Lady or Man on the internet, a red flag for Charlie. Perhaps I’m overly trusting or mildly insane, or a good mix of both. I found myself boarding a plane to Rome to perform at a wedding of people I’ve never met.

I was picked up at the airport and taken to a fancy hotel. There was hair and makeup done for guests, an attire guide and a complimentary drink on arrival for all guests staying at the hotel. I made regular video updates for Charlie in case I went missing.

We were taken to an “ancient grainery” outside Rome and our phones were taken by a wall of security dressed in black at the entrance to said ancient grainery. Opulence was in every direction and there were 300 people present.

There was a jazz trio flown in from New Orleans, flowers imported from London and harried wedding planners (reportedly the third set of planners after the first two were let go) buzzing about. I did a twenty minute set then sat with the guests to enjoy a seven course meal with paired wines. Noone seemed to know each other that well but this is not particularly odd at a wedding. The woman next to me fell asleep around course four but was back on board with an espresso martini at course six. I was back on a plane before I knew it, wondering if any of it truly happened.

I spoke little of this experience to anyone because of the hush hush nature of the whole thing. But recently, I was sitting with some comedians and we were all speaking of our weirdest gigs for the year. When I spoke about this, Sami Shah - an awesome comedian and veteran journo - hopped on the internet and pulled up three different websites alleging that Man was a con artist with a string of unpaid debts behind him. It also alleged that most wedding suppliers were not paid and at last update, he was arrested for fraud. Sami’s jaw dropped and he said, you are sitting on an absolute gold mine for a podcast here.

I might work on that next year, I might not. Either way, it’s the wildest thing that happened this year. What did I learn? I’ll do almost anything for a good story and always take payment before getting on a plane. I was paid by the third set of wedding planners who followed up for an invoice several months later.

I thank you, from the bottom of my soul, for reading my writing. It’s my preferred mode of communication and more freeing than the limited stage time of a performer. This year I worked out Instagram, TikTok, Facebook and YouTube Shorts. By the time I got to Substack, my brain could not learn anything new.

I’m spending the holidays trying to work my way through it, figuring out what’s best to offer to all of you. Sorry there are no photos but a. I don’t have any of said wedding dinner b. I might save the few I do have in case I do a podcast but most importantly c. working out the uploads makes me cry.

I wish you all the very best last days of 2023, thank you again.

Big hugs

Sashi